Todd Kashdan at The Huffington Post
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Psychology Today Blog - Curious? Discovering and creating a life that matters.
Science Shows You Can Die of Boredom, Literally
Monthly magazines from Reader's Digest to Cosmopolitan are inundated with tips on how to sleep better, find happiness, and weave seriously sexy hair. Taking nothing away from being happy and blowing your romantic partner's mind on valentine's day, there are few things as valuable as staying alive.
Sometimes we fail to take life and death seriously. Think back to those painful days of calculus class in high school. Like the sounds of a banshee ripping out its entrails, you and your classmates probably screamed the same screams heard year after year - "I'm so bored, I could die!" And yet, did your calculus teacher care? Did they offer a hug or show the slightest empathy? Probably not. And what about the desperate pleas of innocent children on long, monotonous car rides. All children want is a life free from boredom's jaws of death and yet, parents often ignore them. With this in mind, try to withhold your skepticism for a moment as I share a brand new scientific discovery:
The more bored you are, the more likely you are to die prematurely
Can Two Tylenol a Day Keep Rejection and Heartbreak Away?
Across multiple languages and cultures, people use injury-related terms such as hurt, heartbreak, and "emotional pain" to describe what it feels like to be rejected by other people. The notion of being hurt by other people might appear to be nothing more than a metaphor. But getting your feelings hurt actually hurts. Researchers discovered this after scanning people's brains while playing videogames. On the computer, they tossed around a ball with two other people who supposedly logged on from another part of the world. In reality, the program was rigged so that people were heavily involved (getting the ball for half the throws) or excluded (getting the ball less than a handful of times over 5 minutes). The results were astounding. Here you have people playing a game with a ball that didn't actually exist with a group of people whom they didn't know and never expected to meet, and they really cared about the extent they were included. After the game was over, those who were excluded witnessed a plummet in their self-esteem and they viewed their life as less satisfying and meaningful. I can't stress enough, all that happened was that they didn't get the ball thrown to them as often as they liked. Clearly, little is necessary to make us feel rejected and devalued as a person. We simply cannot underestimate the power of feeling cared for, valued, and connected to other people.
But let's up the ante. What if you openly despised the people who played catch with you in a videogame? Jews being told the other players thought the holocaust was a hoax, Black people told the other players were members of the KKK, and Christian fundamentalists told the other players were atheists. In this situation, who would possibly care about getting the ball? The ball might even be viewed as contaminated after touching the mitts of these rival group members. Guess what? It didn't matter. Failing to get the ball thrown to you, even by people you despise, still led to anxious, depressed, and lonely feelings. And in these studies, when ostracized, the parts of the brain that lit up happened to be the same brain regions that light up when you get a migraine or slice through fleshy fingers while cutting bagels. What this means is that overlap exists between the brain systems that control physical and social pain!
Now, if emotional pain is processed in the same way as physical pain, then perhaps the same strategies to diminish physical pain might be equally effective when we feel excluded, rejected, or ostracized. Think analgesic drugs. Think Tylenol or Excedrin (actually, the active ingredient called acetaminophen). To test this idea, a few of my colleagues randomly assigned people to take a dose of acetaminophen (2,000mg) or a placebo each day for 3 weeks and provide daily reports on what happened to them and what they felt. By day 15, those taking acetaminophen reported feeling less painful reactions to being rejected on a daily basis than those taking placebo. The ability of acetaminophen to ease hurt feelings, enhance self-esteem, and reduce anxiety, sadness, and hostility grew stronger each day until the end of the study. Mad science at its best.
State of the Union, Haiti, Prison Rape, and More
What if we could be guided instead of governed by our brains? What if we could be open and receptive as we listen to people with views that differ from our own? What if we decided to think for ourselves instead of falling prey to political party allegiances? What if our leaders and elected officials could do the same?
For a few minutes, let me ask for your open, receptive attitude. There are a number of major issues facing the world right now, and too many people are reacting with automatic, reflexive political views. When did our society start assuming that our leaders would solve all of our woes in one year or less? When did our society start assuming that our leaders can do everything on their own, against any obstacle? There are no easy answers to complex problems and sometimes we have to tolerate some discomfort in the short term until solutions unfold. In a climate where the answers to most questions are a mouse-click away, I think we often forget that sometimes solutions take time. How long does it take to deal with an economic recession? Who the %$#@ knows? How long does it take to end a war and stabilize a country such as Iraq or Afghanistan? Who the %$#@ knows? I do know that everyone on the opposing side of the political party in power has an answer, but that doesn't mean they know. If there is one thing that social scientists have discovered, its that human beings are horrible at making accurate assessments about themselves, other people and the future. Knowledge of these flawed assessments is a starting point. Working together with people with diverging perspectives is another starting point. Increasing mindful thinking is another starting point.
With this in mind, I thought we would play a game of "would you rather..." Essentially, I am going to pit ideas against each other to see what you would do. There are no right or wrong answers. The goal is to discover what matters to us. The goal is to explore the motives behind our movements. The goal is increase tolerance of complex, ambiguous situations.
A Secret to Happiness? Discovering the Pleasures of Uncertainty
It started innocently enough. She asked me about my book and why anyone listening should care about curiosity when everyone else is talking about happiness, love, exercise, and dieting. I explained that whatever we pay attention to becomes our identity, our reality. Being aware, open, and curious--this is our most valuable currency. We can learn to spend this currency wisely. We can discover strengths in our arsenal that for some reason, are not been used. We can experiment with ways to put these strengths into use more regularly and in turn, feel more energized and alive. We can discover our values and interests by devoting time to introspection. We can create goals aligned with our deepest values and interests and commit effort each day to make progress toward them. By being aware and curious in what we do and who we're with, we are liable to catch happiness along the way. This was the gist of my comments on the radio show. Keep in mind that I had about 30 seconds to make my point before a Herbie Hancock song loomed louder and louder in the background, taking us into a commercial break.
After the break, the host turned into a cynical foe. She told me that curiosity seems tedious and commonplace. It lacks "spirit and soul." For her, being good enough to gain access to heaven is the meaning of life. Enter heaven and you get easy access to the mysteries of the universe. Everything that she ever wondered about will be resolved. Every creation and innovation will be at her disposal. Considering the enthusiasm, I was half expecting her to swallow a cyanide cocktail to expedite the process.
I thought about her notion of life and the afterlife for a long moment before responding, "don't take this the wrong way, but it doesn't sound so great to me." Who wants all the answers? Who wants effortless moments? Who wants to be given the warm, humble feeling atop Mount Kilimanjaro without the climb? Who wants great poetry to be implanted instead of delicately absorbed? Who wants to forgo the surprising smell of honeysuckle during a mid-day bike ride?
What Maids Teach Us About Physical Health and Life Longevity: A Lesson in Mindfulness
I have no idea what the politically correct term is for women who clean hotel rooms. Maid? Chambermaid? Housekeeper? Female room attendant? Hoover lady? If I offend anyone, my apologies for failing to master the appropriate terminology. But everything else is true and rather inoffensive. In this brief post, you will learn a single secret to physical fitness and mental health that might translate into longer, better living.
Hotel maids are stressed out and thus, have little time for a formal workout. If you don't believe me, go ask a hotel maid how often they go the gym or jog in the park. They certainly do enough bending, lifting, climbing, and moving to burn off calories. Which begs the question -- what if maids were made mindfully aware and open to the idea that a fitness routine is embedded into their job? Could changing their mindset lead to actual changes in their physical and mental health? A few researchers sought to find out.
As the most minimal of interventions, one group of hotel maids were informed about the importance of daily exercise and how their regimen of climbing stairs, vacuuming, cleaning linen, and scrubbing tables and tubs affects their body. They were given exact details, for example, a 140-pound women burns 50 calories after vacuuming for 15 minutes. They were told that their typical workday far exceeds the exercise recommendations of the Surgeon General. A second group of hotel maids were given the same information about the benefits of exercise but weren't told anything about how their work effort is in fact, exercise. With this comparison group, the researchers could determine whether there was some unique benefit to being mindful about what constitutes exercise.
When is Chiropractic Care a Scam? What About Reflexology? Magnetic Therapy?
Impatient to become bigger, stronger, and faster, I never let my body heal on its own terms. When I finally did, I realized that I felt better without my trusty chiropractor.
Why do I share this story? Because when someone is in chronic pain, unable to function, they are susceptible to charismatic people who claim to have the answers. Skepticism disappears. Consumers aren't to blame. This is an age of unprecedented information overload. Who has the time to read the science on whether chiropractic care works? Chiropractic care must be effective. After all, why would health insurance companies pay for visits? I mean, if someone suffers from crippling depression, their insurance only pays for 10-15 visits to a therapist (even though most treatments require at least 3 months to be effective!).
Despite my narrow focus on chiropractic care, I could just as easily be talking about other alternative approaches such as reflexology (the unproven idea that there are connections between the foot and nearly every organ in the body and applying pressure to the right spots on the foot can alleviate ailments and even diseases).
What Psychological Science Says about Obama and What Makes an Effective Leader in Trying Times
In less than a decade, we experienced the terrorist attacks of 9/11, collapse of the subprime lending market, and the genome project where for the first time a species mapped out the recipe for creating itself. History is a sequence of novelty, surprising events, and discoveries. A leader who needs certainty and fails to be curious is at a major disadvantage. During the incurious George administration, government officials were consistently pressured to corroborate reports with the steadfast beliefs and gut feelings of Bush and his cronies. For eight long years, this presented an unsuitable climate for people to inquire, test hypotheses, consider alternatives, and interpret data before arriving at a conclusion. Bush's legacy is a lesson on the danger of power in the absence of curiosity: the international community views us as a country that imposes its will without sufficient rationale.
But that's in the past, let's move to now, right now. It's refreshing to hear Obama speak of his uncertainty about the future of the economy or foreign relations because anything less would be dishonest. For many, the image of him extending his hand to Chavez or talking with the leader of Iran is repulsive and inappropriate. At this exact moment, people from other political parties, media pundits, and even a growing section of the general public are lambasting him for being timid, for thinking instead of being rash and aggressive.
As a scientist who studies strengths of character, I view these events differently. He is exercising the least common strength in the United States, self-control, along with one of the most common strengths, curiosity. He is assessing instead of trying to dominate the situation. He recognizes that a strong stance would curry favor of people who crave an immediate resolution but history says that it might backfire. Governments such as Iran control information. Interventions by foreigners are used as pre-packaged propaganda. When foreigners are blamed it's easy to escalate the violence and destruction. When it appears that he is not acting, Obama is acting. Obama is letting things unfold and patiently waiting for the right opening so that this crisis is handled effectively. By exercising his self-control and curiosity, Obama gains new perspectives to make informed judgments instead of premature commitments to temporary solutions that might be ill-informed in the long run. This level of willpower is far too rare in an era of impatience and immediacy. Because soon the cameras will stop rolling as the media moves on to the next international crisis. When Obama shows a combination of openness and restraint, the international community in turn, shows a readiness to meet him and improve existing relationships. This approach requires someone to always be thinking two to three moves ahead on the chess board.
Beyond Jesus Christ: Another person with a really interesting death who should motive you to live better
It requires a willingness to recognize that what we know is limited and that as soon as we think we understand something, we stop paying attention. It requires an ability to tolerate the pain, ambiguity, and confusion that arises anytime we leave our comfort zone. It requires a desire to continue growing and evolving as a person. We have to be vulnerable to explore new territory. After all, we are going to make mistakes, get hurt, and look foolish every once in awhile. Unfortunately, our society doesn't reward someone who is willing to be vulnerable. Instead our society rewards people that possess unwavering confidence, a sense of certainty, and a personality that can be easily labeled and understood. If you disagree, consider these scenarios.
Politicians who refuse to take an unambiguous stance on an issue. Genetically engineered foods, good or evil? Pick an ally, Israel or Palestine? Right now, decide the fate of women making difficult decisions around the globe, are you for or against abortion? When is the recession going to end? (and while you're at it, give us an exact date.) Anything less than certainty and everyone is aghast because leadership is about making decisions. The idea that context matters and both sides have a point is ludicrous. Keep it simple. Stick to soundbites.
College students who have yet to declare a major. This is what they often hear from parents, teachers, and peers: "what are you waiting for?" "what's wrong with you?" "you do know that you're falling behind everyone else?" and "why are you in college if you don't know what you want to do with your life?" Uncertainty is the mark of weakness. After all, what a silly notion to get an ample tasting of what different fields have to offer. What a silly notion to better understand what one is passionate about before committing to a single career for the next 60 years.
Lessons from the Science of Well-Being for New Graduates and their Parents
For the past decade, I have been teaching my dream course called "The Science of Well-Being," exposing my students to what scientists have learned about happiness, positive emotions, love, creativity, forgiveness, mindfulness, curiosity, and meaning and purpose in life. This is my launching pad for dispensing advice to graduates about how to leave the sanctuary of college.
Regardless of your SAT scores, GPA, and the U.S. News & World Report ranking of your college, odds are that you are as bad as everyone else at figuring out what is going to lead to a fulfilling life. When asked, people think that novel, uncertain events will be less pleasurable than feeling absolutely certain and possessing every bit of information possible in a situation. However, scientists are finding that when events are new and uncertain our pleasure is more likely to be intense; it will linger longer and be more meaningful. What this means is that most of us are doing the exact opposite of what will bring us fulfillment.
How can you thrive in an uncertain, unpredictable, rapidly evolving world?
The dark, bizarre, absurd, and deviant side of curiosity
I feel compelled to write a brief disclaimer before you consider reading Chapter 8. It diverges from the rest of the book. The content may be unsettling to the highly sensitive person. This is because I discuss disturbing behavior. Unlike other chapters in this book, there are few uplifting, positive stories. However, understanding the potential dark side of human nature is an intervention in itself.
All of us have inclinations that we consider acting on but decide not to for fear of harming our self, people we care about, or our position as a socially responsible member of society. There is something to be said about embracing your dark side. Discover how it is part of you without acting in ways that impinge on the welfare of other people or hinder your own lasting well-being. When the dark side beckons, we seek short-term pleasure and gratification at the expense of long-term positive feelings and meaning in life. Careful contemplation allows you to decide whether the short-term benefits outweigh long-term costs.
For most of you, the topics in Chapter 8 will be outside the scope of your personal life. That’s fine. Another goal in writing this chapter is that the dark side of curiosity is downright interesting. We are curious about the dark side of human behavior, we are curious about what our lives would be like if we acted purely on impulse, we wonder about people far removed from ourselves. (no anxiety, no empathy, no inhibitions, no control.)
If we want to fully understand curiosity, I believe we need to attend to the various manifestations, even those that cause us discomfort. We gain little by ignoring, avoiding, and hiding from uncomfortable feelings. Whether you are paying attention or not, the dark side exists. It benefits everyone to acknowledge when strengths go awry. It helps to know about the “banality of evil.”